Even after the love has gone.
Part of my anxiety means that I cannot be late. This is such a major dilemma in my relationship, as my boyfriend has no concept of time whatsoever, often leaving home at the time he’s supposed to be somewhere, I on the other hand like to be at least 10 minutes early, I allow for traffic etc.
If I am late it sends me into a meltdown and it's caused so many arguments between us. My punctuality went in my favour on the day I went to see the solicitor as I couldn’t bloody find it. I walked up and down the high street about 3 times before noticing it nestled between Lloyd’s Bank and the Pound Shop.
I pressed the buzzer, no answer. Barry pops up in my head! “What if they have mixed up my appointment?” “What if he’s off sick today?” Arrrrrrgh.
Luckily before I could respond to Barry or talk to myself in the high street, two people arrived at the door with coffee. “Hi, I have an appointment with David Beckham at 9 am” bless the girl for not even flinching, my solicitor's name was Dan Beckham! So just as quick as Barry shut up, there he was again. “She must think you’re a right twat!”
Dan, as it turns out was lovely, he put me straight at ease, although now I wonder if these people were actually putting me at ease or if I just realised there was nothing to feel uneasy about in the first place. He was very calm and matter told it to me straight.
One of the things I liked about him was his cutting comments about the other solicitor. “He can’t even spell his own client's name correctly” and “what kind of grammar is that” He was a total bitch and I loved it. When he was writing a response letter he added as many sniping comments as he could get away with.
I came out of there feeling pretty chuffed, called my boyfriend and then my dad and went on my way to work. I should have known it wasn’t going to be that simple.
The next few months resulted in a game that I didn’t want any part in. My ex solicitor would send letters half full of lies, it would infuriate me and then upset me, this wasn’t punch or cry, this had escalated to punch AND cry!
I would speak to my solicitor, saying I didn’t understand why he felt the need to lie, the reason we broke up was my doing and I had never denied that for him to add lies along with thinly veiled threats about not exposing our current partners to what is going on.
Luckily I have no secrets from my boyfriend and hate lies so he could do what he liked. Despite my bravado, my anxiety was back in full swing, and I was stressed out. My clear skin broke out in acne and I was constantly coming down with colds and quite frankly I was awful to be around.
I was miserable and there was no sign of my Divorce being over any time soon.
After one huge argument with my boyfriend,(which I/Barry caused) we agreed that I would book in to see a counsellor, something else to worry about! After a few weeks of putting it off and feeling pretty miserable, I went online and found one near my house.
The woman had a kind face and lots of qualifications so I sent her a message, which I always prefer, I hate speaking on the phone. I arranged an appointment for the following week.
