Monday 15th July 2019
Wake myself up shouting in my sleep again. This is the second time I’ve done this recently, this never used to happen. I don’t remember what the dream was about which is annoying!
Blood tests today, feeling really really anxious, my chest is really tight, feels hard to breathe, I don’t even want to go, have they even got my results back?
I log on and do some work, my hearts not in it, I’m not in the mood, I feel crap, now I’m really starting to think it’s the drink. I have actually ordered some low alcohol wine which I won’t be trying for a few days need to have a good few days of not drinking.
Shopping arrives, not the same chatty driver, thank god! Really not in the mood for that today.
Pop to my mum & dads before the doctors now they’re back from hols, it was lovely to see them.
In the doctors waiting room, panic levels are higher, chest is tighter, All sorts is going through my mind, what’s wrong with me? What are they going to say? I want to cry!
The doctor is so lovely, I tell him I feel like one of those old people who are always at the doctors and they know you by name, he just laughs I’m already like this.
My results are back, all clear, he could fell my liver & spleen last time so wants to see if he still can. Spleen is ok, he can still feel my liver. He asks if I smoke, “god no” do I drink? “yes” how much per week? Fuck! I replied “quite a lot” he wants specifics, I explain that last week was particularly bad and tell him (a lower number) he looks horrified, I tell him about the low alcohol wine, he says maybe just have water. Noted.
He’s referring me to a private haematologist, he said its much better to use private healthcare.
Whilst I was in the waiting room I was thinking about my health and how I don’t look after myself. I know I keep banging on about it and then ordering loads of takeaway is and drinking loads of wine, but this panic in the waiting room as really hit me.
So I’ve signed up to the James Smith Academy. I’ve been following his social media for some time now and he is very no-nonsense, he’s not afraid to swear and he just tells it like it is. He’s not trying to fleece you for your money or selling meal plans. I’m going to give this ag go, there is no diet to follow, it’s just basic burn more than you eat, which seems so bloody simple!
It calculates what your calorie intake should be and how much protein you should eat. He also advises that you should multiply your daily calorie allowance by seven this way that’s a weekly allowance so some days you’ll go under your allowance and some days you will go over, the idea is to balance it out through the week. Thats great for me I just need to up my protein intake because I do love a carb.
When I get home I put planning to work, which helps me, I feel like I’m in control, I know what I’m doing, I know what I’m eating and it really lifted my mood, made me feel better, I’m really focused and feel like I’m getting my life together, I have a purpose, I have an aim.
I plan what I’m going to have for dinner, what I’m going to have for breakfast, lunch & dinner tomorrow andI put it into MyFitnessPal
I know, I know exante, but at least I like the shakes so I can always have them as and when I want or if I’m in a rush in the morning and don’t have time to cook some eggs, there is the shakes
The husband comes home and we have a nice evening together. hurray! Finally, calmness seems to be restored in our house. I don’t feel angry or annoyed or fed up, I feel focused and it’s really nice, it’s nice to feel normal
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