What the hell is a "Purpose" anyway?
Finding your "purpose" is something that I see a lot online.
A few years ago, seeing this constantly come up in my social media feeds left me feeling worthless.
I didn't have a purpose, I was a woman in my 30s and I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, the constant reminder that I didn't have a "purpose" made me feel like a total and utter failure.
I would find myself looking at others, wondering how the hell they found theirs, some were mothers, saying their purpose was to raise their children, some had their own business and then there was me, why didn't I have a purpose? A reason to exist?
The problem I had, was that I had too much going on in my head. I had so many unresolved issues that I had been avoiding dealing with, that I had no capacity to think about what I wanted from life.
I'm not even sure what a "purpose" is, but for me, it's something I look forward to getting up for each day, it's something just for me and that of course, is writing.
I can't tell you what your purpose is, but I can tell you the things I did that helped me to realise mine.
Therapy
I truly believe everyone can benefit from therapy sessions. It's important to get the right therapist though and that can only be done by trial and error.
It will be uncomfortable at first, talking about your deepest feelings with a complete stranger will be, but the fact that it's a complete stranger who doesn't know you, or anyone you know, makes it easier for you to open up.
It will take some longer than others but I would do it a million times over as the results are more than worth it.
I'm not saying I don't have any work left to do with my therapist, but I have learnt how to deal with certain things in a better way and I have also become more self-aware, which I believe is key to finding out what you want in life.
How can you find your purpose if you don't really know yourself?
Self Reflection
I've had so many planners & journals over the years I never really stuck to writing in them daily and after a couple of months, I would give up, like most things I did.
This year, I have somehow stuck to it and I have really seen the benefits. I was surprised at what I found out about myself in just a few sentences each day.
Leaving my comfort zone
This was a really hard one for me and it took a lot of encouragement from my therapist, family, friends and eventually a more confident version of myself that occasionally appears.
I now think of myself as a writer, I write every day and I have even shared a picture of myself on one of my medium stories, something I thought I would never do.
Each time I take a new step, such as publishing on a new platform, sharing my name on my page or submitting my work to publications, it feels less and less daunting and I begin to wonder why I made such fuss about it in the first place.
Engaging with others
This was also something that was out of my comfort zone. Talking to strangers on the internet. That wasn't something I had done before and it felt weird.
Once I started doing it, I enjoyed it and now it's a part of my day that I look forward to and want to do more of.
Talking to like-minded people can open up a whole new world and you can have discussions about things that you may not have with your usual circle.
I have no doubt that soon enough, I will be speaking to other writers face to face at some point, for me to progress and for things to change, I need to change.
Conclusion
Things didn't happen overnight, but for once, I remained consistent and was rewarded with great results, I also realised that when I had struggled to be consistent, it was because it wasn't right for me, maybe not forever, but just not at that time.
As soon as I stopped comparing myself to others and beating myself up for not knowing, I started trying different things and toying with different ideas and I even managed to have fun along the way.
Maybe a purpose isn't forever, maybe it evolves as we do, but for now, I will enjoy the excitement I get from writing and feel grateful that I have found something I love.
