Thursday 25th April
Crap nights sleep last night, woke up about 3am for no apparent reason. Decided to read for a bit, that always helps me sleep, currently reading The Housemate by CL Pattinson, which I was given a free copy of by Netgalley, I just have to leave a review of the book once I’m done. Got so involved in the book I didn’t end up falling asleep until 5am!
Drag myself out of bed it’s 7:15 I need to leave my house in 40 minutes, no hair wash for me today, thank god for dry shampoo.
Torture o’clock is here, no movement on my weight or inches this morning, feel deflated, must not let this get me down, still 3lb down which is better than nothing (although not better than 7 - shut up brain)
Walking to the station, swear I feel fatter. Google how to avoid negativity at work again, here’s what I found
Go Green! Plants are an awesome natural filter for negative energy. ... - ok quite like this idea might have a look and find a little desk worthy plant.
Claim the Space. If your space feels full of someone else's “stuff,” walk around and claim it as yours. ... - well I have my mini hetty hoover, my mood calendar & my calendar, I don’t want it to be cluttered that would piss me off even more.
Salt. ... - what actually on my desk like chips? Or just a few sachets dotted about?
Burn White Sage. ... - don’t think health & safety would have that.
Room spray. ... - got a bottle of perfume in my drawer? I mean this is very vague. I don’t want it smelling like a loo.
High Frequency Music. ... again what? Will this bring all the dogs? If so I’m in.
Black Tourmaline - ok I don’t even know what this is? Ok google tells me it’s a grounding stone.
Really want to tackle this, only have 1 more week until my friend leaves, I need to make my work life more bearable
Made it through lunch with a scrap of salmon fillet and a thousand coke zeros, met my Gbf.
On the way home the husband/saboteur asked if I wanted to meet for a drink at the station, I’d already said to my friend that I wanted a drink, have I manifested this?? I caved and said yes, he was going out for dinner, so I wanted to have a bit of time with him.
Oops. The husbands fault, he suggested a new bar by the station, the husbands train is 30 minutes behind mine, I was unsure, I’ve never been here, it’s the unknown, I don’t like change, also don’t like the usual pub as a it’s full of undesirables, should probably be ok with that given where I am from.
Loved the bar, greeted as soon as I walked in, sat at the bar, which I usually hate, didn’t want to leave, have a large wine on arrival, who chooses small? I’ll have an egg cup of wine please, said no one ever.
Ok ok so I wasn’t drinking. But I am, and I bloody enjoyed it. I had a great time, probably one more wine and I would have been on the bar doing a Susan Boyle version of coyote ugly. And I would have loved it. But I’m not. I am however, confused, should I feel bad for drinking? Who am I even asking? I don’t feel bad but I feel like I’ve failed a test. Or I’m late for something (can’t be late! I hate it) but I feel like I’ve disappointed someone, yet I feel bloody great. Yes I know that’s the wine/gin, but am I really doing something so terrible? Feels good. Feels bloody brilliant, but it doesn’t “feel”
Feels like a dream, you can say more, do more, it’s a bubble, you say and do things you normally wouldn’t because it doesn’t seem real but it is.
Well that got pretty deep, pretty quick, think I should go to bed now!