Sunday 28th April
So glad its Sunday, I just want to laze about all day, the Husband makes me a sausage and eggs sandwich, carbs are getting eaten today and anything else that crosses my path.
Lay in bed all morning whilst the kids play fortnite in the living room, its like an obsession!!
The husband takes the kids out, I just need a day off of the dieting, decide to order McDonald’s for lunch/dinner, go to Uber eats. McDonald’s is not delivering at the moment?! What is going on in the world? I actually want to cry, I need junk!! Decide to order pizza instead, the husband can finish it off when he comes home.
Do the huge pile of washing up and tidy the kitchen to pre-atone for my bad eating habits, starting to regret ordering the pizza now. If only I had waited a while before placing the order, I was so fixated on the self sabotage I didnt really stop to consider if I was hungry or not.
Decide to listed to a podcast I saw in a magazine called the writers routine, hope for some inspiration on this.
Make myself a healthy lunch of Thai Prawn Rice for tomorrow, probably wouldnt have done that if there prawns werent going to go out of date, at least I am making a good start for tomorrow.
Pizza arrives, need ketchup, have a fresh bottle to open, bloody seal wont come off, try to take it off with my teeth, feel something cold on my chest, dammit, squirted ketchup all over myself. I really am being punished for being a greedy, lazy cow. I get changed and proceed to stuff my face in defiance, whilst thinking how this is going to look on the scales in the morning?
Really need to have a healthy relationship with food, its like I use it as a weapon against myself, I'm not even sure why? I dont mind healthy eating, but the minute I am stressed, tired or drunk, I want crap. Need to break these vicious cycles, just not sure how, but right now its too depressing to think about, I must have wine. I've done plenty of damage today, this isnt going to make much more difference.
Even as I type this I know its all wrong, I am just not in the right frame of mind and thats because I drank last night. Self Care Sunday went totally out the window and replaced by sit and eat crap sunday, which although may sound fun has a shitty knock on effect. Resolve to behave myself tomorrow.