Thursday 2nd May
Groggy, night sweats & generally all the symptoms of me having been a dick the previous day, fed up of failing and being bloody useless at sticking to anything. Feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, but can’t seem to stop sabotaging myself. I am seriously considering meal replacement shakes for breakfast and lunch and hello fresh when I return from holiday, I just want to get this two stone off, then it should be easier to keep off.
Working from home as the dishwasher is being delivered, somehow people at work are still managing to piss me off.
Need to try and muster the enthusiasm to do some exercise at some point, The Power Start, can’t say I’m looking forward to it!
Got to 6:30pm and I finally got my arse in gear and exercised glad I did it but feel sick, need to draw a line under the last few days and carry on.
Ordered loads of holiday bits, remind myself that half of it won’t fit so ordering £500 worth of stuff is fine as most of it will go back.
Divulged to the husband earlier how fed up I am, he’s now home and frustrated as he doesn’t understand, neither do I. Yes I want to lose weight, but it seems the more one of me wants that there is another me set out on the mission of sabotaging. I can’t even explain it, perhaps I have a split personality? It’s like the classic angel & devil on the shoulder, I want to squash that devil tape him up in a bin bag and throw him in the Thames.
I’ve now sought solace in the one of the places I’m trying to avoid. Alcohol. Earlier it was food, food brings a guilt feeling instantly but alcohol, it numbs. The guilt will come tomorrow.
Really need to get back into self loving and get rid of the self loathing