Thursday 18th April
Woke up before my alarm, have head & neck pain, it’s been here all week, decide to try and get a docs appointment, it doesn’t feel right, will work from home today. Realise I probably shouldn’t drive if I can’t move my neck properly, will call instead
Get up, just can’t seem to lay in bed like some, once I’m awake, need to be up. Weigh self, another pound off!! Jesus! That’s 4lb since Monday! Well pleased with this. It’s really spurring me on, just need to keep the momentum going.
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Had low fat sausages (they’re actually nice) eggs & mushrooms for brekkie, can you believe that’s about 40 calories more than 40g nuts?!
Made my lunch for today yesterday, easy to eat a bland old chicken breast when nothing else is on offer but now keep thinking about what else I can have. I WILL eat that chicken. Will indulge in, another, Coke Zero, to fill my belly.
Keep thinking of the chocolate I got from work yesterday, weigh it so I can be certain of the calories, put it back in the wrapper without scoffing a single mini egg, never experienced such self control in my life.
My brain is telling me to order Uber eats, trying to ignore it, trying to ride it out a bit longer before delving into my chicken breast, if I was having chocolate for lunch it would have been gone hours ago.
Avoided Uber eats, even managed to exercise, something which doesn’t affect my bloody neck, which is feeling loads better. The husband asked if I wanted to meet him & his parents in the pub, obviously I do but I just want to get through at least one more day without alcohol.
I now have over 600 calories left to eat after my dinner! It’s weird but I don’t feel hungry? Pretty sure it will come but for now I’m going to bask in my newly found self control with a glass of sugar free vimto. Cheers.
Indulged in a Jaffa Cake Carb Killa (for those of you that have read my earlier blogs, you will know from my Joe Wicks days, that these are high protein chocolate bars, bloody delicious too) while I wait for the husbands return, dinner won’t be for another couple of hours.
The husband talks about having wine, I decline, he has a gin instead, I opt for an options hot chocolate, realise that’s what I actually want, consider that alcohol is more of a habit than an addiction, Hope this is the case!
Friday 19th April - Day 12
Can you believe I’ve lost ANOTHER pound?! That’s 5lb since Monday, also very proud that I haven’t drank for 6 days and it hasn’t been as difficult as I thought, occasionally wanted a drink but the feeling passed soon enough, this weight loss is definitely helping me to keep abstaining.
Considering continuing the no drinking until tomorrow but don’t want to have another episode like last Friday where I feel riddled with guilt and shame.
Think about the weekend ahead, we’re heading to the coast tomorrow for the day & night with friends, will still try and stick to the general rule of only having carbs with dinner & try and stick with gin & slimlines during the day and after dinner, will also try to get in water/Diet Coke where possible.
It seems planning is the key, which is lucky as I bloody love planning, I love routine and knowing what’s happening, it gives me comfort, I’m awful with change, makes me anxious. Remember one Sunday when the husband asked if I wanted to do something for the day, we’d previously discussed staying at home watching films and eating. I looked at him like he’d spat at me, this was not the plan!! An hour or so later I realise that actually maybe I do want to go out, by this time the husband had changed his mind and wanted to stay home.
Today I’m getting my nails & waxing done, have of course planned all my food for the day, although it’s 8am and I’m hungry already wasn’t planning on eating anything until lunchtime. Will have a cup of tea to fill me up strangely find this works, also helps if I fancy something sweet.
Back from pampering, had my top lip waxed for the first time, was getting paranoid about having a tash, feels weird, but feel like I’ve lost a bit of testosterone
Carb free brunch has been devoured, now thinking about that chocolate egg that is still sitting in the kitchen, trying to wait for my belly to realise it’s full, wish it would hurry up, throwing Coke Zero down my throat to speed things up.
To distract myself I decide to do today’s work out “lunge capacity” yep it was about as fun as it sounds, think I should have waited a bit longer as now I feel like I’m going to throw up and I certainly don’t want to eat anything. Job done.
Made it to dinner without picking although I was starting to feel light headed. Fruity Lebanese lamb from hello fresh and the husband and I are sharing a bottle of red, noticing I’m drinking a lot slower than usual, this is good, means I will drink less, also have water to sip alongside, getting the hang of this!
On my second glass of wine and feeling woozy it’s taken me abour an hour to drink one glass, got myself some more water to sip
Now at the stage of alcohol consumption I like to call people pleasing, I’ve still only shared the bottle of wine with the husband FYI. I want to make plans with anyone & everyone. I want to invite people over, I want to arrange weekends away with people I barely know. Luckily I’m on the periphery of the PP stage and as the thoughts are floating in one ear I’m pushing them quickly out the other, before they can get to my mouth.
Got up to do something and feel like I’m wearing someone else’s glasses, it’s so strange to be aware of this as it happens, I drink more than this on a lunch break usually, always thought I was ok, perhaps not? Weird how things are different once you’re actually thinking about it.
We’re on bottle 2 now, is that bad? In all honestly it’s pretty tame for my usual/old self but today I feel like after this I don’t want another drink, now compared to last Friday, where I wanted to continue, I feel like I’m quite happy with the alcohol I’ve had today, a mere 4 glasses to last weeks estimated 10. If that’s not progress I don’t know what is. I’m enjoying the mellow fuzzy feeling I have right now,