It feels like forever since my last blog post, there's just been so much going on. I've started my new job, which involves a lot more brain activity than I've been used to in a while, its been my birthday - I am now 37 years old, someone please tell my brain, although I think my body is too far ahead and thinks its 50 - and I had my hen weekend, which was honestly amazing.
All of these things have obviously impacted my life and most definitely my mindset, I am however, truly amazed at how quickly the laws of attraction (LOA) therapy has changed the way I think and feel. Please don't get me wrong, I still have down days and I am still an absolute psycho (on occasion) but, what I have realised is that that's who I am, hence the change in my the main title of my blog from "Who am I?" to "This is me" as I feel like I am finally getting to grips with who I really am and do you know what, I actually quite like me (dont tell Barry!) I am just now more in control of my thoughts, which then go on to affect the way I feel.
Like I said, I still have my down days, let me speak about this briefly, I don't want to dwell on the negativity, whilst on my positive high :)
Since having my first LOA session, I have really noticed when I am feeling down. Obviously we all know when we feel miserable, but now when I feel low, I have this craving for my positive state of mind, I REALLY miss it, it's totally addictive, more addictive than chocolate or wine and I find that rather than sink into the hole like I would before, I try to think logically as to what could have caused this dip in my mood, often once I have figured out what the cause is (and sometimes its something random) the negativity dissipates and my positive self returns - Hurrah!
Heres an example; It was my fourth day at my new job, my brain was tired, my body was tired but as I walked down the hill on my way home from the train station, I felt like I'd just been given the loveliest gift (I hadn't, this was just becoming my normal feeling, which as I am sure you can now understand is why it's so addictive, who doesn't want to feel like that constantly, especially when I am usually such a negative nancy!) I got home, spoke to my mum on the phone, my boyfriend was seeing the kids. I was just ending the call when he walked in the house. The strangest thing happened, I instantly felt angry at him, he hadnt even said a word, in fact he'd barely stepped in the room and within minutes we were sniping at each other. I was getting more annoyed because I'd gone from feeling like I'd won the most amazing prize to feeling like I'd stubbed every single one of my toes and I didnt know why. arrrrrghh. I spent the entire night trying to figure out what the hell had happened.
I woke up the following morning and an idea popped in my head, I approached my boyfriend whilst he was brushing his teeth, "Can I ask you something? I don't want to know the details I just need a yes or no" He stopped mid brush looking concerned, so before he had a chance to decline I jumped straight in. "Did you have a row with your ex last night when you took the kids home?" He looked at me puzzled and said "Yeah I did actually" DING DING DING all of a sudden it all fell into place. That's why I was so angry, I would never have realised this before. He had brought negative energy into our home, his argument with his ex caused the negative energy, which had clung to him like a bad smell and come into our house and I sniffed it out like a bloodhound and reacted like a rabid dog (ok maybe too dramatic). I know it sounds out there, but it totally made sense, and even better, once I was aware of this and acknowledged it, bye bye bad smell. Amazing, I felt even more in control of my life, always helpful when you're such a control freak.
Dont get me wrong, it's not always plain sailing. The week before my birthday I felt so fed up, not because I was getting older (I actually love my birthday) I didn't know why, it was my birthday AND my hen weekend the following week, why the hell was I so down in the dumps? I was missing my prize-winning, cloud surfing, sickeningly happy self of yesterweek.
I was trying to do my gratitude and my brain wasnt having it, when I finally managed to think of something to be grateful for, my brain would dismiss it "well its not that good" when I tried to muster a positive thought on my way into work, some city twat would barge into me like I wasnt there, so my thoughts shifted to wishing they'd fall down and open man-hole and my negative energy was winning, I kept walking into things and dropping stuff, I wanted to stay in bed and cry. Eventually after a good week of feeling like I was on an emotional rollercoaster I messaged my LOA guru Tanya. In doing so and just acknowledging my feelings and basically asking for help, I felt slightly better and even more so once she had replied, you see, although LOA is amazing, it doesn't mean I can just sit back and drink all the wine, which is exactly what I had been doing, along with, not sleeping properly due to the new job and the impending hen weekend and not having any time to myself, due to my upcoming birthday which always comes with lots of birthday dinners and drinks and as we all should know by now, especially me, too much booze = a visit to the hole. Once I had talked this through and realised how to resolve this, I found it much easier to get back on that positive frequency. I took a half day from work on my birthday and rather than use it to stay out drinking all afternoon, I actually went home and caught up on some sleep and slowly regained my good self back.
So the moral of this story is you can't just sit on your backside drinking prosecco expecting the world to fall at your feet (but I gave it a go)
