Friday 12th April
It’s Friday!! Woke up feeling the usual grog, but very pleased with myself, drank more than intended last might but also drank lots of water and had diet coke in the middle, remember my entire evening too.
The main point is I was mindful of my drinking, wasn’t drinking to get drunk, drank what I fancied, which turned out not to be the psycho potion that is white wine! Feeling surprisingly happy.
Got to work and popped out for a bit of brekkie (Brioche Bun with sausage - Delish) one of the girls said she we get prosecco and I actually didn’t even want to, who am I?
I usually have a lunch planned on a Friday, in a pub somewhere, but not today, am actually glad. put all my drinks in my drinkaware app last night, had 23.2 units, a lot more than I aimed for but still not as bad as last week, have no plans to drink anymore over the weekend.
Oh man, I'm a dick. Popped out with my friend at lunch to pick up a few bits, another friend messaged and invited to a members club he joined, we went to be nosy, when we arrived there was wine poured, had some, enjoyed it. Remind myself that I did say that Thursday and Friday were my drinking days but secretly feel bit disappointed with myself as now want more.
Now said friend has emailed me saying they are popping back in a couple of hours if I want to meet for a quick drink, have obviously agreed, because now I do and also I’m a dick.
Went shared a bottle of wine, am now on the train home to meet my husband for a quick drink before the kids arrive, again I want to, also I’m a dick.
Am I a failure? I’m trying to console myself that I didn’t stay out drinking all afternoon (like last Friday) but still feel like I’ve fallen at the first hurdle. Felt so different yesterday, was that because I knew I would be drinking, but today thought I was going to give it a miss?
Not going to let this determine how I go forward, still have no plans to drink the rest of the weekend, not going to let this throw me off, still determined to cut down even if it’s by a glass of wine a week, that’s better than nothing right?
Couldn't be bothered to cook so ordered fish & chips, have a perfectly good hello fresh dinner in the fridge but that would involve me actually lifting a finger.
9pm, feeling moody and irritable, realise this could be a side effects, want to pick a fight, this is one of the reasons why I wanted to document this, so I could remember what and how I feel, then try and avoid it. Really want to lash out and have a go at someone but know it’s because I’m annoyed with myself, even in my wine fog, want to slap my own face.
So annoyed with myself and anyone that’s within a 30 yard radius, which is practically the husband.
The husband has wisely taken himself off to bed only to come down 5 minutes later to complain about the volume of the TV, which was his doing. The man needs a hearing test, he has the nose of a bloodhound but the hearing of a goat - I did actually google animals with the worst hearing, I like to be factual - in the defense of goats they appear to be excellent climbers and providers of cheese that smells like feet.
Need to put the wine down now.
